No losers here.

In every facet of my life, I’m surrounded by people who are better than me. And I like it that way.

In parenting, I'm surrounded by the crew of superstar parents at my kids’ school, see their beautifully Pinterested homes, perfectly crafted lunch creations and their child's neatly written homework (always handed in on time). In music, we are enveloped by Portland's phenomenal talent, people & bands that I love and admire booking amazing shows and getting cool and well deserved opportunities. In business, our produce market in Oregon City is situated next to small stores & restaurants who definitely have all of their sh*t together and are doing things right.

And then, cue me: with kids’ homework turned in 3 days after it was due with chocolate syrup smeared on the back of the paper, another rejection email in my band's inbox this morning, and knee-deep in excel spreadsheets and pivot tables trying to make sense of our business' future. And, hell, it’d be easy to get competitive. It'd be easy to feel that every person around me who is doing great in their respective area is “winning.” And isn't the basic premise of competition that if there is a winner then naturally, there is a loser? In most competitions, can't there only be one winner and then everyone else falls under the category of "loser?" After all, we all know the saying, "There is no second place."

But then again, who said that there have to be winners and losers? Is this one of those ingrained ideas from society that we all live by, but maybe isn't really serving any of us very well?

Have you ever heard that old adage, “rising tides lift all boats?” This comes from a JFK quote and is the idea that there is enough for all of us to be successful. It's the idea that not only is my success not mutually exclusive with your success, but your success will actually bolster my own. The rising tide of success will not just lift one boat, but all the boats in the ocean.

Once we realize that our success is not mutually exclusive with the success of the people around us, we become free 1) to surround ourselves with inspiring people who are successful and doing cool sh*t 2) to free ourselves of unfruitful bad internal monologue filling up our hearts and minds saying “see, you’re not enough. If you were, that would have been you.” 3) to give ourselves the freedom to be a true friend and find happiness for others and finally 4) to step into our creative power as humans.

This last year, I challenged myself to rid myself of jealousy and competition. And while I’m not perfect at it and it takes a lot of self reminders, it’s been one of the most freeing experiences in my life. It’s freeing because I don’t see the well-being of others as any sort of affront to my own well being. Instead, it has allowed me to have the most bad-ass people in my life, people who are successful and inspirational, people who aren't afraid to let you champion them and they'll do the same for you.

This year, we started working with Bryan Free. He's been producing some of our songs, but he's really known as one of the best keys players in town. I play keys. But I'm no Bryan Free on keys. And guess what: I AM SO HAPPY Bryan Free is on my team. I don't feel competitive about his magical keys superpower at all, only ecstatic that he wants to invest in my music and I get to have his influence on my songs. I want to have more talented, smarter, more successful, more interesting, more fun people than me in my life. Why wouldn't I want that? It makes our lives so much more interesting when we allow ourselves to put down our fear of being unworthy and let the people around us shine.

As a mom, I began to look at other moms’ successes as things I could learn from and grow from as a parent. I began to see their great ideas as a good thing for my own children, knowing that the adult world they will enter someday will be that much better because another mom out there went above and beyond for her kids. And let's face it, as moms we face enough challenges without creating competition with the other women around us facing the same challenges! We need to stick together and become each other's cheerleaders.

As a musician, when other Portland bands get signed to a record deal or book an amazing opener set for some famous band, I’ve allowed myself to let my heart fill up with pride and joy for them and their successes. Because the more Portland bands that make it to the next and bigger stage, the more awareness there is of the amazing Portland music scene and the more labels/promoters will look here for talent. And ultimately, in the end, I’m their friend and I want them to succeed because I believe they are talented and worthy of success.

This change was a complete perspective change for me. It changed from a basic idea that there is a finite pie (if someone gets a slice before I do then there won’t be enough for me) to an infinite pie (pie for you, pie for me!)

Here's the truth: there can NEVER be too many amazing moms in the world; there will NEVER be enough amazing music that's written, recorded and heard; and there are more than enough customers to make our lively downtown Oregon City thrive and succeed. The more we help each other, the more we create an environment for success for everyone involved. And for me, I’d rather live in a world that focuses on creating an environment of success versus a world that focuses on one giant game where we all try really hard and ultimately, one comes out on top and everyone else is out of luck. I want to believe in ENDLESS PIE! More than you can eat pie! Pie for me and pie for you!

Recently I saw this Facebook video about the idea of “frenemies” https://www.facebook.com/tombilyeu/videos/1435444633235828/

If you watch the video, you’ll see that they talk about the one defining factor of a true friend:

If they are as happy as you are for you when you have a success.

I have a few relationships like this in my life. Relationships where I feel comfortable texting when an exciting thing happens and I know it will be

received well. And they do the same to me. Too many times, we only have people there to share in our misery, to text when we’re struggling. But the minute things get good, relationships can get weird or tense. And yes, we all struggle (I definitely do) and yes, we all get down (I know I do), but I want to live and breathe in the good space, in thankfulness, in the moments where I am living my best life. I want to find mutual inspiration and encouragement with the people I hold close to keep living in that good space. I want them to know that their success is a GOOD thing to me and I know how hard they’ve worked for those successes every day.

I’m trying to show my kids this too. When Bailey has a success, it’s great for Cooper because now she’s bringing that to the common table of our family. And vice versa! We strengthen each other with our personal superpowers, and where I’m not as strong, thank goodness someone else at the table is strong enough for the both of us. I want to live in that space with my family, my friends and my community.

So, cheers to all our many successes, ones that have happened and ones that are still to come! I'm cheering for you!

XOXO

Jen Deale

Boss Lady at Camp Crush // SBP Smoothies // Bailey & Cooper