Practicing confidence.
This last weekend, I was hanging out with one of my lovely and favorite friends. She’s an amazing person: loving mom of 4, employee, amazing cook, friend, devoted daughter, sister, the list goes on. I’ve always been impressed with her, how she manages so many things, how she seems to live without judgment and leans in to the people in her life. We were talking about New Year’s resolutions and she said that her resolution is to take up more space and in general, to be a louder person.
Just, awesome. Can I get an “amen” from the crowd, please? What an insightful and self aware resolution. I like to have smart and insightful friends because whether or not we like this fact, our friends become a mirror to ourselves. They show us the things we love about ourselves and the things we want to change. I like to have people in my life that inspire me so much that they help me grow.
I think much of the time, I’m thinking about how to make people around me more comfortable as a I dare to shine the light within me, as I dare to stand as tall as I can be. Without knowing it, I shift my focus from internal growth to external, uncontrollable sources. But, I loved how my friend framed her resolution - to be a louder person, to take up more space, to give herself permission to be herself publicly, to speak her piece as all humans can and should. Her goal is fully internally focused. I love it because it seems to be that in freeing ourselves to light the fire within, we can finally make the world a brighter and better place for all of us.
I have a big personality. I do, I know it's true. So, it may come as a surprise to some when I say that I struggle with knowing that I take up space, or that people might think of my personality as anything other than sweet and supportive. But the fact that I even present my personality to you in this way, as if I’ve resigned to this fact, as if I am sorry in some way for it, says something about me and our society as a whole. It's almost as if I’m warning you ahead of time… "WATCH OUT! I HAVE A BIG PERSONALITY COMING THROUGH. I may in some way impact you just by existing and I’m sorry!" What if my "big personality" is really just a 35 year old confident outgoing woman being herself, and the fact that society has to give me the label of a "big personality" shows us just how afraid we are of women shining their light and being their authentic selves? Maybe the fact that the world needs me to apologize for being myself is actually the very sum of the basic problem itself?
As I learn to let my wings fully unfold and take up the space that my natural form takes, I realize how hard it is to be entirely proud of myself. To let my inner light shine completely. It's strange, because I am proud of the things I've accomplished and the challenges I've overcome. But I think its hard because, as women, we are told that our purpose in life is to make people comfortable; to be a helpmeet, not just to your future mate, but to the entire f*cking world. Tall order, much? And when we're concerned about coming to the aid of every single person around us, it feels selfish to focus internally, to spend time stoking the fire within. But I wonder - does holding ourselves back really help anyone at all? Or does the idea of comfort and peace-keeping just keep our society stuck where it is? What if every woman today decided that today was the day that we stood up, took up some space, and found the ability to love and support others while living inside our confident skins? What would our world look like?
It’s led me to think that confidence is not a trait that we’re blessed with or something that appears once we have something to be confident about. Confidence is a daily choice. It is a choice to allow yourself to shine, to take up your natural space. Confidence is a practice. Confidence is something we can get better with in time, step by step, practice by practice. In yoga, you are encouraged to just show up to your mat to practice. I like thinking about confidence in that way, showing up to my mat daily and stepping onto itt, knowing my practice each day will look slightly different.
So, let’s practice together, shall we? Let’s take up our space and tend to the fire within. The world seems pretty dark lately, with all the tragedy happening around. We have a collective power to battle that darkness by unveiling our light, and as we practice our confidence, that task will get easier and easier.
Rooting for you, as always!
XOXO -
Jen Deale
Boss Lady, Camp Crush // SBP Smoothies // Coop & Bailey