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Say something! Say anything!


I definitely don't claim to understand how the universe, in its many mysteries, works. I do love theological and philosophical conversations around God, humanity, goodness, evil, all of that, especially with people I love and respect. But mostly, I like to learn and hear what people think, not exposit my thoughts.

But one solid universal truth that I keep seeing played out in in my own life is that in order to get what you really want, you have to ask for it.

There are a lot of theories and philosophies around this idea. The Law of Attraction is one popular way to state it. This idea was founded in 1906 by William Walker Atkinson, an American pioneer of the New Thought Movement. His work suggests (btw, this is massively simplified, he wrote 100 books in the last 30 years of his life), “You change your thoughts, you change your life.”

Einstein also talked about the power of your thoughts and actions bringing about the life you want, claiming this to be physics, not philosophy.

Of course, the basics of this idea is also found in popular psychology books and prosperity theology of today such as the Secret and others like it.

And then, there’s the mystical nature behind our brain, how at our base, we are all made up of energy, and that energy is connected in one way or another to the other matter (other people, things, etc) around us. Science can’t explain the why around this idea as of yet, but a recent study found that blind people shown pictures of happy and sad faces responded in kind with their facial expressions. How? Scientists don’t know, but it implies that our brains and our brains’ reactions to external stimuli, even subconscious stimuli, effects us. Check out the study here, it’s fascinating: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/emotional-contagion-blindsight-mimcry-imitation-visual-cortex/

All of that to say, I don’t know WHY this works. People who are much much much more intelligent than I am are contemplating these questions, but in practice, I continue to see that it works in my own life.

Chris and I have just finished a whirlwind month. We were wrapping up production on our three new music videos, mixing and mastering of our new album, the launch of our Kickstarter to help us get this music out into the world, and prepping for a sold out show at Doug Fir this Saturday, all amid kiddos being sick (this flu season tho, am-i-right?), job interviews, out of town shows and more. Suffice it to say, we haven’t slept much in the last thirty days.

We were chatting about all of this last week and Chris said, “I’m so happy I got all of this work done, I’m just bummed that I haven’t got to catch up with our friends recently. I've really been missing...” and then he proceeded to mention 8 names of friends that we love but haven’t seen recently. I nodded in agreement, saying that we should reach out and put something on the calendar with those friends.

But, alas, we did not reach out. We continued on in our crazy release month schedule, having both forgotten about our conversation altogether. We allowed ourselves to get caught up in our own crazy life.

But then 2 days later, we ran into 3 of the 6 people we mentioned and had an impromptu hours long hang at a friend’s show. Another 2 days later, we ran into the 4th person randomly and somehow had an extra hour and a half (THIS NEVER HAPPENS) to stay and catch up. Another 2 days later, the 5th and the 6th person showed up to one of our shows and stayed well after we finished playing, closing up the brewery, laughing and chatting. And finally, 2 days later, at another show of ours, the final 2 friends we mentioned showed up and hung for an entire night, allowing us to catch up, share a beer, and give hugs.

This is a small example of this theory in action, but it was so specific, and also, was such a gift to us in a time we really needed encouragement to get through our insane schedule. Beyond that, this last week was full of other close friends, family, and friends from afar reaching out reconnecting to us. I'm really good at reaching out and setting up time with friends usually, but this last month has stunted me with all of our to-do lists. It always means so much to me when people reach out TO me to hang out, and this last week was full of that happening. We asked for community in our lives, we asked for it out loud and to each other, and community showed up.

I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts how specific goal setting changed my life, career-wise, financially and in my relationships. This has come through for me in huge and lofty ways, and also in small, almost unrecognizable ways, in the form of slight changes and small tweaks in my life. This year, my goals and wants look different. I don't have the big corporate job to pay for everything anymore, I'm challenging myself to believe in my artistic creations at a level I never thought possible, and I've double downed on trying for my dreams, even if it costs me everything. And you know what, while it feels harder this time around, this year is a new opportunity to ask for what I need and want in my life. And it's scary to want and to need things because that evokes the fear of failure in all of us. What if I ask for it and I don't get it? But ask yourself this, is it better to ask and not receive than to never ask and to not receive still? At least the first option, we're taking the first step in the equation.

In my many years working as an executive recruiter, I consulted and coached with job seeking candidates. I always spent a lot of time talking about salary and operational negotiations. Top level candidates, with much to offer a company, would be afraid to ask for what they really wanted in the offer. They might turn down a job offer instead of saying, "I can take this opportunity IF I can pick my kids up from school three times a week, travel only twice a year, and make 10% more than this salary." They’re afraid to express their ideal situation, even though they offer much in return to the company. But as someone who has spent most of her adult life in the business of hiring people, I can tell you that I want to hear that from candidates. I want to hear what will make this job work for you because if I can get you there or close enough, you’ll stay and you’ll be happy, you’ll want to work hard, you’ll be motivated to do well. It's a win/win for you, the candidate, and the employer.

My own career has been full of completely crazy, wonderfully implausible opportunities that have met my needs as a mom and musician but also have been a great fit for the company. All of it happened because I asked. Because I decided what I was good at, what I brought to the table, and then was unafraid to say what would make it perfect for me and for my life.

So, I think it’s time for us to be less scared of speaking out the things that would make us happy, that would bring us joy. The little things, the big things, all the things. LET'S JUST SAY IT! What could you change in your situation right now that would make it perfect for you?

  • Work from home on Fridays?

  • See your best friend more often?

  • Make $10,000 more a year in your salary?

  • Reconcile with old and estranged family members?

  • Have your book published?

  • See your music on curated Spotify playlists?

The list goes on. So, it's time to actually make that list and shout it from the rooftops!

I’m challenging myself and you today to start owning our lives enough to say what we want, say it out loud, say it to someone. If you need someone to say it to, you can say it to me! I’m listening and want to hear. The lesson I keep learning is that, somehow, in some way, the universe is listening when we say stuff that matters to us.

So, now that you know you have an audience, what do you want to say?

As always, I'm rooting for you!

XOXO

Jen Deale Boss Lady, Camp Crush // SBP Smoothies // Cooper and Bailey

PS - We are 3 days into our Kickstarter and could really use your help to get our project across the finish line! If you would pre-order the EP (only $5) or a cute new beanie or any of the other fun perks, we would be forever grateful. The thing with Kickstarter is that its all or nothing, so we need your help to get to our goal!

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