The path to grit.
Recently, I was introduced to this idea of “Top-Level Goals” while reading an amazing book by Angela Duckworth called Grit.
A top-level goal is a one sentence capture of who you want to be, the crux of you. Angela describes getting to your top-level goal by asking yourself what you want to do, and then asking the question why. Once you stop being able to answer why, you've arrived at your top level goal.
For example:
I want to play a killer show this Tuesday
Why?
Because I want to be an impressive musician
Why?
Because I want to play music for a living?
Why?
Because music is my passion
Why?
Because playing music makes me feel alive and helps me feel connected to people
Why?
Because we only live life once and I don’t want to waste my time not feeling alive and not being connected to people
Why?
Just because.
So, the top level goal in this example is "I want to connect with people through music in order to live a life that feels whole and alive."
Our low-level goals are all about a means to an end, for example: I want to get out the door by 8am today; I want to eat a well balanced 1600 calorie diet today; I want to practice painting, etc. These are basic goals, used as a means to an end, getting you to another lower or mid level goal.
Mid-level goals are things like: I want to sell out a show at Revolution Hall; I want to get a promotion; I want to change careers; I want to spend time with my kids; I want to make 200k a year; I want to open a new business; I want to pay off my mortgage, etc. These are big goals that could take you years to accomplish. But they are still a means to an end, not an end in and of themselves.
Top-level goals are goals that are an end in themselves. Angela says that your low-level and mid-level goals should be written in pencil, ready to be shifted and edited. But your top-level goal should be written in permanent marker, a North Star of your life, a satellite. And when you identify what your top-level goal is, then you’ve identified a life truth for yourself, work or a path that is meaningful to your core. Then you can work backwards to identify what your mid-level and low-level goals should be to get there. The author says that most people think their biggest goals are really only mid-level goals in reality, still a means to an unidentified end.
Ultimately, I think the author is saying that what is the point of striving and enduring (having grit) if you don’t identify what the end point is, where you're trying to go.
She also says that it’s useful to have only one or two top level goals at any given time: one for your career/aspirations and one for your personal life.
As a mom, I have felt in the past that I was wrong to have a goal about my family AND goals for myself. It felt selfish. Anytime I tried to push for my personal goals, I felt shame and guilt. I know that the love I have for my children fills my entire heart, so I'd ask myself, "why isn’t that enough?" Ultimately, I accepted that in order for my kids to have courage to pursue their dreams and to dare greatly and strive for greatness, they have to see me do it too. Kids learn mostly through example. Hiding my true self in order to give my kids every comfort, while easy for the guilt-lover in me to stomach, won’t give them the example they’ll need to impact the world in the way they both can and should.
I know in the past I’ve gotten caught up in my mid-level goals: I want to play at Doug Fir, I want to be a full time musician, I want to put out many records, each one improving over time, I want to have a community of like minded people, I want to have a fulfilling partnership in life, I want to have a best friend, and I want to push my kids to take risks and grow. But, why? Defining that top-level goal seems like the best way to avoid the unexamined life, or better stated, a life not fully lived. I want to avoid this at all costs.
Brene’ Brown says something in her book Daring Greatly to the effect (paraphrased) that “We’ve all heard the quote, what would you do if you know you could not fail? But I like to ask, what is worth doing even if I fail?” What will you regret not doing at the end of your life? What is that untapped potential brewing inside of your rib cage? What would you give to live that truth?
This week I needed some encouragement, so I asked people to share with me stories of when they dared greatly (took a big risk) with a lot on the line? I received a flood of emails and messages and each was full of stories of incredibly bravery and courage. I was definitely encouraged. Community is everything, we need each other. I need you all. And in order for community to thrive, we have to each choose to be vulnerable. I felt vulnerable this week. My community answered resoundingly with support.
Now, let’s encourage each other through vulnerability, through sharing these deep-seated goals inside of the very fibers of who we are. Maybe we’ll find freedom to pursue by letting the light shine on them! I’d love to hear about your top level goals, or at least the elements. Comment below or on the Facebook thread. Let's keep the dialogue going.
Rooting for you, as always! XOXO Jen Deale
Boss Lady, Camp Crush // SBP Smoothies // Cooper & Bailey
PS! Our Kickstarter is almost over - just 5 days to go! We are less than $200 away from our first Stretch Goal (making an original holiday song and every backer getting a free download!). Check it out if you haven't pre-ordered your album yet - we so appreciate your support!