CHECK. THE. VIBE.
I’ve always been a fan of Toni Morrison. But recently, I was introduced to a video clip of her talking parenting on Oprah. As always, Toni had a simple and poetic way to describe the impact of the small exchanges we have with our children.
Toni says, “It’s interesting to see when a kid walks into the room… does your face light up?That’s what they’re looking for…when my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or their socks were up…so you think your affection and your deep love is on display cause you’re caring for them, it’s not. When they see you they see the critical face…what’s wrong now? …Let your face speak what’s in your heart…it just as small as that.”
Oprah replies to Toni, “That is what I think that is so profound, because that is how you learn what your value is. Not by what the person is saying to you but by what you feel.”
It got me thinking about the small moments I have, not just with my kids, but with Chris, my neighbors and friends, the people at behind the counter at the coffee shop, my employees and customers, and so forth.
I’m typically a pretty bubbly person. I’m outgoing, I am easy and free with my hellos, compliments, my efforts at connection. But, I also am currently in a time in my life where I’m juggling a lot of things (they are all my favorite things to juggle, so this is a good thing). What this juggle means for me is a lot of scheduling, staying on task, trying to be as efficient as possible, responding to texts and emails as they come in, jotting notes and ideas down and, well, you get the idea.
Being a full time artist, full time mom, and a full time entrepreneur (yes, I have three full time jobs!) means that there will always be a lot of balls in the air and the work is never quite finished. I like life this way, I’ve never been happier than I am right now. But at the same time, it made me wonder if my desire for ultimate efficiency has made me less connectable with those around me? Am I not wearing my love, gratitude, joy and excitement on my sleeve like I thought I was?
When it comes to parenting, the truth is that my children delight me, they crack me up, they are wonderfully insightful and curious, and they are adventurous as hell. I love being around them. But in the era of life that I’m in (homework, food allergies, playdates, and chores), it gets easy to get caught up in my to-do list and not let my body language, tone and expression tell the story of my love. Like Toni says, we feel like we are expressing love through our actions.
My kids wants to feel like they belong: belong in this house, belong in this family, belong in my heart. And my expressive timbre to them will set the tone for them to experience belonging.
So, thank you Toni. Because I’m usually so outgoing, I just assume everyone can feel and experience the love I know I’m feeling for them. But I want to be cognizant, especially in this crazy time of life, to check the vibe. Jen: CHECK. THE. VIBE.
Before I correct, I will smile and reach out. Before I give instructions, I will laugh at their jokes. Before I ask if they’ve brushed their teeth, I will say good morning and smile. I want them to experience love first, instruction and correction second.
This might cost me a little in efficiency and they might not always get to school with hair brushed and a perfectly packed lunch, but they will be well loved and know that they belong right here with me.
Cheers to learning every day how to do this whole life-thing a little better.
Much much love to you!
XOXO
Jen Deale
Boss Lady, Camp Crush // SBP Smoothies // Cooper & Bailey
PS - Our Kickstarter is COMPLETE! We hit our goal and this album is getting printed and packaged as we speak. We are overwhelmed with gratitude. Thank you!
One of the reasons we did this Kickstarter was to help get the word out on a national scale and (gulp) a premiere of the first single off the EP happened! *commence excitement high-kick*
You can check it here: http://atwoodmagazine.com/ccns-camp-crush-november-skin/