Finding your team

Yesterday was a milestone: Cooper’s 5th grade promotion. Now, when I was a kid, I felt like I floated into Middle School with very little fanfare. No parties, no fancy dinners, no balloons. Instead, it was just an ending of one school year and a beginning of another one. But, times have changed for our children and probably for the better. We stamp every moment with fanfare and you know, it’s pretty fun and I’m glad we can celebrate accomplishments along the way.

After a sweet rendition of Sly and the Family Stone’s "Everyday People" and some 5th grade reflections (which included commentary like, "The Harry Potter movies are not as good as the books because we can’t actually access magic to do all of the spells and I used to have a hard time with some people until I realized everyone’s evil”), Principal Kosmala stood up to charge the parents and the students with some advice for this next phase of life.

The thing she told the kids is to remember they are never alone and it’s ok to ask for help. "In fact," she pointed out at the audience, "look around," she said. "These people are your team. And as you grow, in experiences and in age, you will continue to collect people who believe in you, want to invest in you and they will become part of your team as well. Never forget that you are not going it alone, you have a team."

One of the things I do on the side is consult with small businesses. I look at their business plans, their operations, their budget, and their staffing and I try to holistically give advice on things they can tweak to improve their business' performance. And one of the most consistent problems I see, is the small business owner holding tightly on to all facets of their business without a team of trusted people around to help. Sure, they might have a staff, but that staff isn't empowered to exact any sort of real change or improvement to the business. The business owner usually believes that they are the only person who can ever truly understand their business or function it. My advice for them always starts with, “What you do is not rocket science, there’s someone on your team you’re under-utilizing who can really help you succeed.”

This is something I learned from one of my favorite bosses ever, Jannine. Jannine was a sink (but I’ll grab you before you drown) or swim (just see how far you can make it) kind of boss. When she and I first started working together, we had a mountain of work ahead of us. Instead of her holding on to all of the work, she thrust a big part of the business in front of me and told me to go set up meetings and see what sense I could make of it. She said, “I’ll talk to you early next week, let’s see how far we can get.” I started plugging away and when I'd make a mistake, Jannine would help me correct it and figure out a way to do it better the next time. But between us was always a huge amount of trust. She didn't necessarily believe that I always knew how to do the job in front of me, but she believed in me enough to know that I could learn.

In parenting, I’ve seen this play out so many times with my own kids. Cooper has had a pretty defined team since he was three and we got his diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Post diagnosis, rather than wallow in confusion or depression, I set to finding him a team, a team that cared for him, believed in him and was ready to invest in him. I went to parenting classes, we went to speech therapy and occupational therapy, we got an Autism Specialist/Naturopath on our team, and engaged a community of friends and family who were equipped with the many articles and pamphlets I sent them on how to best help.

And flash forward to a 5th grade promotion: He is ready for the nuances of middle school, he is excited for the future, he is excelling in school and in life. And it’s because he was motivated to learn and grow and he had a team of people around him ready to trust him with things he didn't yet know how to do. With Bailey, her team is different but so completely necessary as well. I would not be the parent I am today without the love, direction, and investment from my kids' teams!

I’m a bit of perfectionist. So, it’s hard for me to admit where I’m weak, where I need help. But recording music has been a great path of learning in this area for me. Instead of trying to use my home studio and limited knowledge of mixing and engineering to make our last album happen, I brought in a team. The people on this team were not just experts/hired guns that can get the music finished. These were people who believe in our music, who want to collaborate on ideas, listen, give input, and invest their time and energy. And their investment and collaboration made the music better! By letting go of my death grips on the reins, I was able to see other possible directions, let new perspectives influence me and be rewarded with a final product I am so very proud of.

That’s the crux of it: in parenting, in life, in relationships, in business, in whatever - we NEED each other and letting someone else in does not diminish who you are or your abilities, it can enhance them. Ultimately, we’re working hard to put more good into the world. That’s the measuring stick, the litmus test - is there more good than there was before because of the work I just did? No one will remember if we did it alone, they'll only remember that we did it at all. Cheers to finding your team!

XOXO

Jen Deale

Boss Lady, Camp Crush, SBP Smoothies, Bailey & Cooper